The Final Stand of the Swiss Guard

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Here’s what we’ve got for you today:

The Final Stand of the Swiss Guard, an epic encounter that happened this week 495 years ago, on 6 May 1527, when Rome was sacked by angry mercenaries.

You’ve seen these guys before, right?

If you haven’t, you’ll find them hanging out at the Vatican in all their ceremonial flamboyance. These aren’t strays from Alice in Wonderland, this is the freakn Swiss Guard, a mercenary fighting force that has protected the Vatican for over five hundred years, and is one of the oldest military units in continuous operation. And they’re badass.

The Swiss Guard officially formed in 1506 with just 150 soldiers and, in time, earned the title of “Defenders of the Church’s freedom.” They’ve always been a small force, sub 200, and have been disbanded (only to be later re-formed) multiple times with the ebbs and flows of Popes dying, fleeing and Rome being captured. Tough gig.

On 6 May 1527, this small unit faced their most hostile engagement to date.

To keep the context super simple, Charles V, the Holy Roman Emperor at the time, pulls the classic “I forgot my wallet.” He defeats the French during the War of the League of Cognac but then stiffs his 34,000+ soldiers (mostly mercenaries). He can’t afford to pay them. And they’re furious. So they mutiny. Nek minnit, some 14,000 German Landsknecht, 6,000 Spaniards and an unknown number of Italians, march on Rome to take what is owed to them.

And things get wild.

Up against this force of 20,000+ pissed off, mostly Catholic hating mercenaries, stands less than 5,000 militiamen and 189 Swiss Guards. But the outer walls are easily breached and Rome falls the same day.

As the Imperial Army hacks its way through the streets, the Swiss Guard takes up a defensive position in the Holy See. Remember, the Vatican itself is a semi-walled city within Rome. The Teutonic Cemetery is where they choose to wait. It’s a highly symbolic place, adjacent to St. Peter’s Basilica. It’s built on top of the Circus of Nero, where many early Christians were brutally martyred during the Roman Empire.

Quick pause here.

Can you imagine the moment?

Lined up between tombstones, sweating, waiting anxiously, the sounds of carnage growing closer. The sky dark as the city burns.

Terrifying.

The graveyard clash finally happens and the Swiss Guard are soon overwhelmed. The surviving Guards retreat to the steps of the Basilica. And it’s here where they make their final stand. Under the command of Hercules Goldi, all but 42 are slaughtered as they buy time for the Pope to escape across the Passetto di Borgo, the secret, elevated passage that connects the Vatican City to Castel Sant'Angelo.

Rome then falls to total anarchy and unrestrained ravaging. The city’s population drops from around 55,000 to 10,000, mostly due to murder and disease. And pillaging of the city only stops eight months later (wait...what?) when the food supply runs out and there’s no one left to ransom. Oh, and the plague appears. Yep.

Although the Swiss Guard didn’t prevent the sack of Rome, they did fulfil their duty to protect the Pope. And they did so at great cost to their lives, and even greater to those who fought against them (although likely exaggerated, some sources say thousands of Imperial soldiers died).

This moment in history has since been memorialised as the Final Stand of the Swiss Guard. And to commemorate this heroic act, the 6th of May, the anniversary of the Sacking of Rome, is when new recruits are sworn into the Swiss Guard.

Unfortunately, during the 19th century, the military standards of the Swiss Guard began to crumble. With less than 100 men and a few obsolete rifles, they declined into ceremonial soup. But in 1981 someone put a hit on Pope John Paul II. It failed, but it kicked the Swiss Guard in the ceremonial pants, encouraging them to reconnect with their non-ceremonial roles. Today they resemble a modern guard corp that takes combat more seriously.

3 quick facts:

• Anyone can become a Swiss Guard. If you're male, Catholic, Swiss and at least 174 cm tall...sorry.

• They weren’t always dressed like this. Old paintings show them dressed as normal soldiers. Their gaudy modern appearance has its roots in more recent reforms.

• The Swiss Guard's fighting weapon of choice was the Halberd, a long pike consisting of a hook and axe protruding from the head. The Swiss were famous for their skill with this formidable weapon. They would fight in tightly compact units (similar to Macedonian Phalanxes) and use the halberd to pull down calvarymen. Machiavelli himself regarded them as the epitome of efficient warriors.

By the way, Sabaton, a Swedish power metal band, wrote a song about their final stand. It has a bit of a cult following on Reddit. You can check out the music video here: The Last Stand. But the Pre-Chorus goes like this:

Other conflicts that happened this week:

• 2 May 1866: Peruvian defenders fight off the Spanish fleet at the Battle of Callao (Combate del Dos de Mayo), sparking the withdrawal of the Spanish from South America.

• 3 May 1808: Sweden loses the fortress of Sveaborg to Russia during the Finnish War.

• 4 May 1942: The Battle of the Coral Sea commences during WWII, the first time in naval history where two enemy fleets fight without visual contact between warring ships.

• 5 May 1862: Mexico halts the French at the Battle of Puebla, the real reason for the annual celebration known as Cinco de Mayo.

• 6 May 1536: The Siege of Cuzco commences, in which Incan forces attempt to retake the city of Cuzco from the Spanish.

• 7 May 1915: a German U-boat sinks the RMS Lusitania, killing 1,198 people.

• 8 May 1846: the United States wins the Battle of Palo Alto, the first major battle in the Mexican–American War.

A historical quote about historical things:

Ok, that’s it for now. See ya next week!

DisclaimerYou are reading my abstractions based on the abstractions of others. History is not always an accurate map of what really happened. The map is not the territory. Reality can be very different. We are like blind people groping an elephant, describing what we feel. It always pays to do your own research and ask questions.